Condemned
by KrysSaiyan
Summary: A certain charcter's thoughts as they fight against inner demons out in the middle of nowhere. One-shot sort-of song-fic. Done to Irons Maiden's song "Children of the Damned". Please R&R.


Can I actually be writing another story? 0_o Apparently, yes. Another one-shot, I think. This one is about my favorite little Saiyan prince. ^_^ It's also a song-fic. *grins evilly* But it's a song-fic with spirit in it, not those messily put together pieces of sop.  

Ahem. This fic was inspired by Blackheart Ultar's music video "Missplaced Childhood". I'll provide a link to where you can download it at the end. Meanwhile, the lyrics posted throughout this fic are not mine or Blackheart Ultar's. The song is "Children of the Damned" by Iron Maiden. Already shows you what kind of story this will be, ne?

Condemned

I don't really know what started this. I don't think it was Vegeta-sei being blown up, losing my entire race, or even just growing up in a ship full of murderers and becoming one myself. 

It was something else, I think. Something that was inside me all along, just waiting to take me over and kill me, to have my body all to itself… damn it. I'm getting paranoid again. 

So… anyway. I lean against the solid rock behind me. How long have I been sitting here again? Bulma might be worried by now. She'll send Trunks to fetch me, or, if she thinks I might be unstable again, she'll call Kakarrot and have him drag me back to Capsule Corporation after making sure I don't turn into a raging violent lunatic. Again.

Of course, if she does send Kakarrot, he'll try to see what's going on inside my mind again. This has happened before, and I think that they're all starting to get scared because I keep doing this. No. That's a lie. I _know_ they're scared. Scared that I might destroy them all. But I would never do that… don't they understand that? It's this _thing_, this thing inside of me, that would do so. Never me. I would never hurt them. Intentionally anyway. 

But Kakarrot will try to heal non-existent wounds in my psyche, and when I push him away, he'll just come right back. He's determined, I'll give him that much. Well, that and so much more. But none of that really matters right now.

When I was a child… damn it all, I'm reminiscing now too… when I was a child, I can't say that I was ever lonely. Or scared, or even unhappy. I felt nothing, like that's all there was to feel. And I wasn't ever happy, but I was never sad either. Besides, since when did I want to feel happy? 

_He's walking_

_Like a small child_

_But watch his eyes_

_Burn you away… _

I knew what the countless worlds I had purged thought of me, a demonic child that had had his soul ripped from him. And I didn't care. Maybe I am still soulless? I never did care about anything, not even as far back as I can remember. Perhaps in my infancy…

The only thing I ever felt was rage and annoyance. Annoyance at Nappa, mostly. And rage at everything else. The one thing that nearly pushed me over the brink of my sanity was the destruction of my planet. I don't say it was mine out of any fondness. It just simply was mine to do with what I wished. And I was never that fond of it anyway. Kakarrot keeps asking me to tell him about our home, and I keep putting it off. Because, to tell you the truth, I don't know that much about it either. 

_Black holes_

_In his golden stare_

_God knows he wants to go home…_

So, did I ever have a choice then? Should I have cared, like Kakarrot does, even if I hardly ever stepped foot on the planet? What good would it do me? So I would care. So what?! What good would come of caring about it, when nothing I care about matters?! 

I glare angrily upward at the stars, which wink back at me mockingly. Tell me, someone, what the hell does it matter?

_Children of the damned,_

_Children of the damned,_

_Children of the damned,_

_Children of the damned…_

Sometimes, like now, I wonder if I had been reborn into a different body, like Buu, what would have happened to me. Would I still be the dark terror I am now, if I had been born human or Namek? Is this darkness in me, is it embedded in my soul or was it planted there at birth?

The stench of death still hangs around me. I know it, I can feel it. No matter how long I stay on this planet and its healing energies surround me, I will still destroy everything in my path. Everything around me will rot and die.

_He's walking_

_Like a dead man._

_If he had lived_

_He would have crucified us all!_

Rot and die. Hm. At those thoughts, the _thing_ tingles at the edge of my consciousness and hisses expectantly. It wants death, and it wants to see my body stained with blood, whether it be from myself or others, it just wants it so badly it writhes under my skin, and in my mind, twisting around and snarling to be let loose from under my will. I won't let it. I can't. 

_Now he's standing_

_On his last step._

_He thought oblivion,_

_Well it beckons us all…_

I shiver outwardly and curl up, my knees against my chest, arms encircling them and making sure they don't escape. If I still had my tail, it would have curled around my ankles as well, like it used to do before I came here…

_Children of the damned_

_Children of the damned_

_Children of the damned_

_Children of the damned…_

NO! I can't let this-! 

I bury my head into my knees, squeezing my eyes shut and clenching my fists, my whole body tensing up as I feel it slam itself against the bars of the mental prison I've put it in. _No!_

I'm fighting with it now, trying to keep it back, away from the shred of sanity I have left. It can tear up as much of my mind as it wants, but I need that last little bit of my mind! It can have all my old memories, anything it wants! Just, _please, let it stay in the back of my mind, don't let it surface!_

_You're children of the damned_

_You're back's against the wall_

_You turn into the light_

_You're burning in the night_

And slowly, slowly, it quiets and growls its discontent to me. But I'm still shaking. My eyes are wide and I'm gasping for breath, and the cold air is making my lungs raw… My eyes are forced shut again as I let out a sob-like scream, doubling over onto the ground, laying on my side as I make small keening noises in the back of my throat. I can't do this. I can't fight, not anymore. My shaken mind begins to think up excuses rapidly. 

I don't want to stay here on this peaceful planet and die of old age. I don't want anyone to get hurt by me, whether it be on purpose or accidental. A million different things go through my head, each one more convincing than the last. But the one thing that sticks out the most is the truth, and unlike the screaming desperate thoughts about pride and dying like a real warrior, this one whispers, and I nearly sob when it finally hits me.

'I'm tired.'

_You're children of the damned_

_Like candles watch them burn_

_Burning in the light_

_You'll burn again tonight_

And that's it. Just those little words, quietly echoing through my head. The _thing_ grows silent. It's nervous. I start laughing, and even to my own ears they sound more forced than they should be, and the stress on my throat as they explode out of my lungs is telling me that nothing about this is very funny at all. But I ignore that.

I can't do this anymore. I just can't. 

I push myself up, the laughter having been stilled, and the tears (damn it I cried _again) no longer pouring out of my eyes. _

The _thing is still silent._

I start gathering some of my own ki onto my finger. After all, it really should only be myself that does this. No one can be blamed or blame themselves. There is no gun that was made by someone else, no knife sharpened by another's hand… it's just me. 

The _thing quails in fear and alarm. It doesn't want to die. I grin fiercely, and probably look like a madman while doing so, my face illuminated from underneath by my ki. I probably look like one of those axe-murderers humans keep talking about. But I don't care. If I die, so does it. I know from experience. When I was in hell, it wasn't there with me. So I'll be free. _

I put the ki that's been formed over my stomach. They can tell everyone that I wanted to protect my family, or that I was doing it to get away from this planet and not have any emotional strings dragging me back. But I know the real reason, even if they don't and never will. I'm being selfish. I want this out of me, and I will do anything at this point. 

I can feel Kakarrot's ki spike. He must have sensed the disturbance in mine. Kakarrot, always the loyal one… none of the other ki-sensing fighters on this planet could have given a damn, but Kakarrot… I think, maybe if circumstances had been different…

But they're not different. They're the same, and always will remain the same. And I can't take it. I let the ki fly from my hand and into my stomach, and feel a sharp pain, and I'm in agony, and I love it all. Beautiful…

"Vegeta!!"

Ah, so you came… forgot about that technique of yours… Kakarrot, do you think if I was reincarnated, you would promise to fight me again? Just like that little kid? 

"Don't worry, I'll take you to a hospital and-"

A hospital, Kakarrot? Yeah, okay… I'll let you feel as if you did everything you could, I owe you that much at least… my eyes close. I'm feeling tired again, but this time, I know I'll be able to get some sleep. Sleep… sounds really good right now….

_Children of the damned_

The music video can be found at dragonballarena.gamesurf.it/english/media/videos/videos4.php

The creator is, again, Blackheart Ultar. 

Please leave a review, it would be greatly appreciated.


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